The Worry Wart

When I get stressed, I'm talking about real stress, I become the world's hugest worrier. I'm talkin', like if you were to sneak in to my mind for one second during this time, you would take off, running, and screaming. There is NO escaping it! None! I pray, watch a movie, take a shower, take a nap. Nothing helps!

I usually get this way when I start to think about the future. It's not that I'm such a planner, because I do my best thinking and teaching on the fly, seriously! It's that I hate surprises. I want to be in the know. I had a few worry attacks in the past, but this year, especially lately, they are coming on me like... whoa!

One attack came during college. I'm sure everyone has been through the questions: Am I where I'm supposed to be? Majoring in the right thing? Playing the sport I'm supposed to be playing? Dating the guy I'm supposed to be dating? During this time, I prayed for a sign. Just a reminder from God that I am exactly where he wants me at this point in life. My sign would be a yellow flower. (Deep down, I knew I was guaranteed to see some in the landscaping around campus.)

Wouldn't you know that they had decided to change the landscaping the day before and plant new plants. I'm not kidding. I went to dinner that night in the cafeteria and for a good reason left by myself. I on my way back to the dorm, chewing on a straw......worrying. I stopped at an oddly placed trashcan on campus because I was tired of chewing. I opened up the lid to the trashcan and before me were all of the flowers that they had gotten rid of on campus. I kid you not. It felt amazing. I knew I was exactly where God wanted me.

That week is the week I found my life verse as well. Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." It's been my prayer since. Trust Him, know that you don't have to understand what He is doing, acknowledge Him in everything you do, and He will take care of the unknown.

This year, since deciding to quit teaching, starting new adventures, and having a one-year-old along for the ride has given me enough stress to age me by 50 years. This past month especially, because I've been "thinking about the future".

Wednesday, I walked out with Gray to get the mail, and in my bush bed (I don't have any flowers), something caught me eye. It was a single yellow flower, the same as I had seen years ago in my trashcan. It's the only time I had ever seen it there, and the next day it was gone. I used it as a subtle reminder that this year I've trusted God more than EVER, haven't been able to lean on anything but Him, I've given Him credit for everything that I've been able to accomplish, and I'm exactly where He wants me to be doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. The rest of the unknown....well, He is taking care of that too.


Check out this A-Mazing sky. I happened to have my camera while driving downtown Conway. I saw this sky and couldn't resist a picture!